5 Years and Still Ticking!

August 10, 2008 marks the 5 year anniversary of my brain bleed/hemorrhage/episode. There is a laundry list of emotions: awe, gratitude, confoundment, amazed, thrilled, humbled, appreciative, proud, and even more grateful.
I will drive by my former house on Maroa tomorrow, see my old neighbors, go to St. Agnes, walk to the CICU, drive over to San Joaquin Rehab, and I can guarantee tears, memories, emotion. I have to stack those Ebenezars, and I have to return to the places and be grateful in person.
I will think of Matthew and Gordon, and the fear they must have had in finding me and calling 911, I will think of Sue, leaving her family at the table in Los Angeles and driving to Fresno, I will think of Jim, and his vigilence, generosity and presence, Kurt/H. and the 1x1 crew, Felicia and the roses, those who prayed, called, visited, stood vigil, cried, and endured the long stay in CICU and San Joaquin, and the rehab at home. For keeping my job, for paying me, for driving me to doctors, clinics, rehab, drugstore and grocery runs, walks around the block-kicking the golden leaves and loving the little Terrace neighborhood, listening to me cry, rant, over-talk, and keeping me sane. Allowing me to drivel, concoct worst-case scenarios, miss my mom and grandneices--
Thank you notes don't seem to cut it. Trying to articulate the gratitude never measures up to the depth of giving.
So, I say thank you with my work: doing what I can with what I know I can do, with what I can handle.
In Jeremiah 29:11, I like that it begins with, "The Lord says:--and then goes on to remind the prophet that God knows the plans he has for him, plans for good, for a FUTURE, for success, and not for "folly." In essence, God knows your creative potential. God knows mine, and, he knew it on Aug. 10 2003, and he knows it 5 years later. Plans for good.
I have to believe, that God is conspiring for my good, for my success, for my future.
Deepened faith, a more clear sober view of my weakness(S), greater tenacity, a tad more patience, and a genuine broken heart: all are the byproducts of my brain bleed; not just the medications, the diet, the exercise, the limited periphery, the driving hesitancy-those may be the evidences of how much God loves me--enough to remind me that "I once was blind, but, now I see," and that I'm not DONE yet.
Now, I wake up, and God and I have this discussion: am I going to be ALIVE today? Yes, I am, and I'm going to have WORK to do today, work that will be honest, and necessary, and fulfilling, and transforming, and good. And, God says, Get up and GO.
Kevin, Lisa, Dieter, Harry, Debbie: you all know EXACTLY how I feel--this needs no translation. As fellow travelers on the road, and as members of the "fellowship of the scar," on my 5 year anniversary, I pray that you will be encouraged and HOPEfull for your own anniversary of living, too. Surely, God is conspiring for your success, too.
With Great Hope,
Don