When you don't think it's possible, look what happens!
There is no way that I could have predicted what my life would be like today. Content, satisfied, healthy, loved, challenged and growing. I'm not sure what I thought it would be like, but, this far surpasses what I had hoped for and prayed for: maybe there's something in that (sound's virtually Biblical.) Creative Potential Consulting and Training had a stellar month in October, and and even better week in early November. I surprised myself by the schedule, the variety of audiences, the travel connections, the new friendships, and the fun. I could not have left the house and felt confident had it not been for Gabe--making sure the cats--both new and old-- were cared for, mail received, house protected. I didn't have to think about what was "here" when I was "there." I never realized how my anxiousness affected my productivity and creativity.
Knoxville, with Andy and the Compassion Coalition churches, then to Costa Mesa, and the CASA group--what fun to be in a room full of people my age and OLDER, and feel embraced, welcomed, and KIN. Those relationships may last quite a while, and I was energized by their feedback and gentle comments.
Being back in Orange County was refreshing, and I loved walking around Balboa Island with "other" Donnie W., and recalling my 20's when I was running around Newport and Laguna Beach--was I really that young? Was I really that energetic? I know I wasn't "thin" but, I know I wasn't as fat:)
Then, from Orange County to Colorado Springs, and the C&MA Externally Focused Learning Community. They were progressive at the same time as shackled by the past. I was simultaneously encouraged and saddened by the group--
but, happy to offer what I had learned, and what I KNOW.
I am still astounded by how many churches and church leaders never seem to consider that people are NOT tools to do their bidding, but, the people ARE the ministry to which we are called.
Amazing that well-meaning churches treat their people with such disregard, all in the name of God and the gospel. Most churches never think about it that much: they simply program their people to death, and then wonder why people don't serve, why they fall through the cracks, why they have an assumed 80/20 problem. Frankly, I don't blame the 80% when I see how some churches regard their people: I wouldn't want to serve there either.
I returned to dive into teaching at Fresno State,
and to celebrate our 1 year anniversary: Sequoia Brewing Company, front table by the door, chicken pizza, conversation: I don't deserve such love....
Teaching at Fresno State: again, a surprise, to be able to engage with undergraduates in a subject that I know, where I feel confident, and doing what I love. Their projects are fun, and Dr. J. is a class act, more energy than most; and productive. I'll be back next semester, continuing to gain my footing again, and feeling more and more confident. I'm not sure if my confidence was zapped by the hemorrhage, or by the 1x1 junk (talk about a great vision with no skill)--but, it's good to regain it, and to be in an arena where I feel valued.
Visiting Mom over Thanksgiving was good, pleasant. She is aging daily, almost too quickly, and the loss of Dan has been more difficult on her than losing Dad. She seems painfully lonely, and alone. Her church friends seem inauthentic and distant, and my brother , according to her, is absent from her life. Kyle and Rachel are pregnant with another grand-neice or nephew for me, and they will be good parents. That house will be quiet for that child, and they will raise a good kid.
I miss being with my grand-neices, and I regret that I have never met the newest little one, Keeleigh Jo. Cheyenne and Tesa are growing up apart from me, and that is sad.
There is a phrase, "the universe is conspiring for your good..." and, I would say, "God is conspiring for your good..." and,
I believe it:
I feel loved, very much loved--tonnage,
I feel valued;
my heart is warmed by the companionship I never anticipated, but always had dreamed of;
I feel like the Mac who has found his cheese.
It's a good december, and I have enough.
Knoxville, with Andy and the Compassion Coalition churches, then to Costa Mesa, and the CASA group--what fun to be in a room full of people my age and OLDER, and feel embraced, welcomed, and KIN. Those relationships may last quite a while, and I was energized by their feedback and gentle comments.
Being back in Orange County was refreshing, and I loved walking around Balboa Island with "other" Donnie W., and recalling my 20's when I was running around Newport and Laguna Beach--was I really that young? Was I really that energetic? I know I wasn't "thin" but, I know I wasn't as fat:)
Then, from Orange County to Colorado Springs, and the C&MA Externally Focused Learning Community. They were progressive at the same time as shackled by the past. I was simultaneously encouraged and saddened by the group--
but, happy to offer what I had learned, and what I KNOW.
I am still astounded by how many churches and church leaders never seem to consider that people are NOT tools to do their bidding, but, the people ARE the ministry to which we are called.
Amazing that well-meaning churches treat their people with such disregard, all in the name of God and the gospel. Most churches never think about it that much: they simply program their people to death, and then wonder why people don't serve, why they fall through the cracks, why they have an assumed 80/20 problem. Frankly, I don't blame the 80% when I see how some churches regard their people: I wouldn't want to serve there either.
I returned to dive into teaching at Fresno State,
and to celebrate our 1 year anniversary: Sequoia Brewing Company, front table by the door, chicken pizza, conversation: I don't deserve such love....
Teaching at Fresno State: again, a surprise, to be able to engage with undergraduates in a subject that I know, where I feel confident, and doing what I love. Their projects are fun, and Dr. J. is a class act, more energy than most; and productive. I'll be back next semester, continuing to gain my footing again, and feeling more and more confident. I'm not sure if my confidence was zapped by the hemorrhage, or by the 1x1 junk (talk about a great vision with no skill)--but, it's good to regain it, and to be in an arena where I feel valued.
Visiting Mom over Thanksgiving was good, pleasant. She is aging daily, almost too quickly, and the loss of Dan has been more difficult on her than losing Dad. She seems painfully lonely, and alone. Her church friends seem inauthentic and distant, and my brother , according to her, is absent from her life. Kyle and Rachel are pregnant with another grand-neice or nephew for me, and they will be good parents. That house will be quiet for that child, and they will raise a good kid.
I miss being with my grand-neices, and I regret that I have never met the newest little one, Keeleigh Jo. Cheyenne and Tesa are growing up apart from me, and that is sad.
There is a phrase, "the universe is conspiring for your good..." and, I would say, "God is conspiring for your good..." and,
I believe it:
I feel loved, very much loved--tonnage,
I feel valued;
my heart is warmed by the companionship I never anticipated, but always had dreamed of;
I feel like the Mac who has found his cheese.
It's a good december, and I have enough.
posted by Downtown Don Simmons at
8:18 PM
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