The Lump.

On Tuesday I first felt the lump. It was small, about the size of a cherry, and it did not cause me to pause, but, just to think, "um, that's interesting. On Wednesday, the lump had grown some. Again, just an "um." On Thursday, the lump had grown some more. Now, it was beginning to be uncomfortable, and I could tell that there was a lump in my groin, and it began to cause me concern. On Friday, the lump had grown to about the size of a golf ball, and I took a long soak in the tub, hot water, hoping that the size would reduce, that the discomfort would subside. I called Kaiser and made an appointment--took the first spot available, because all of the information on the websites says, "see your doctor." It's not ominous, but, I've read--and heard the tales of "catching it fast," and horror tales of not catching it fast enough--not being diligent enough, and worse. I called Joan. She's had breast cancer--and she knows the fear of "the lump." She was calming and reassuring. If it's bad, it would not grow that fast. It could be a lot of things (the websites offered 38 possibilities.) I will go to the doctor, I will take some tests. I will not freak out. I have been through worse--but, that "worse" was when I was out of it--when I didn't experience the waiting, the fear, the unknown.
It is Saturday, the lump has grown to lemon size--I will soon run out of fruit size analogies, I expect. It is not painful, but, it is uncomfortable. I will not review the WebMD or Men's Health sites, I will go about my day--I will go on our little trip, I will wait....
and, I will be frightened--because faith does not necessarily preclude fear. I have faith that it will "turn out OK," but, I do not expect that the process will be a walk in the park.
The lump continues to grow, and writing about it helps--and I know that no one in my family has read this blog, or will read this blog--so, I will not set off alarms with my mother, who has just experienced the death of her older brother last week.
I do not go through this alone, of that I am certain. My brain hemorrhage forever imprinted on me that I will not experience some of life's worst parts--alone.
So, Lord, I'd rather not have this lump. I would like to be able to take a couple of pills and have it vanish, and call Joan, and Gabe, and Mark...and say, "it was just one of those things that happens to men my age." But, if it isn't, I'll have to adjust to a new way of thinking about the lump.

Call it what it Is

A guy stopped in front of my house to say hello, and he told me that he and his wife were thinking about moving into the neighborhood--that they had found a really good deal on a fixer upper a couple of streets over. No surprise, the surprise would be that he had found a lousy deal on a house that didn't need to be fixed--because our neighborhood has a surplus of houses that need some attention before they deteriorate from neglect. He said that they were considering opening a day care--that they had no experience in day care, didn't have kids, and that they'd have to research it alot--but, he said, "that's our way of getting in and being able to do some evangelism." I think he then waited for my applause, or nod, or an "amen." For a moment, I was just stunned that he had said it out loud. Yes, there are a myriad of reasons to move anywhere--and evangelism is as good a reason as any, I suppose--but, don't be subversive about it. If you are moving here because you care about this neighborhood, and you care about the kids and families here, then, welcome. If you are going to pretend to care (or set up a business that says you care), and you are going to use that as your "tent-maker" cover, then, please go elsewhere.
Here are some of the reasons for moving to the Lowell neighborhood that I have heard:
Great house that I can afford.
Good platform to raise support for my ministry.
There is much need in the neighborhood, and I have much to offer.
No better offers.
I was raised in Lowell, and I want to raise my kids there/here.
My friends are moving there, and we can continue what we started.
God told me.
I did some work on a project there, and fell in love with the people.

Some of those reasons are better than others, some are paternalistic and parochial, and some are selfish, some are selfless--but, to assume that every person who moves to Lowell, especially those who are practicing christians, has the same motivation is incorrect.
Those who are christian cannot be lumped into the same barrel--and there are as many stripes as there are barrels. To assume that we are all evangelical, all evangelistic, all conservative, all republican, all supporters of certain organizations, all affiliated with the same groups, clubs, agencies, is to further exasperate the problems in Lowell. Those assumptions have not been correct for the past 20 years, and they are becoming more and more wrong as time passes. As housing prices decline, and as Lowell improves due to the assistance of City Hall, more and more people will be drawn to live in Lowell: but, if any one group assumes that they have a "lock" on Lowell, that they speak for Lowell, that they are the "heart" of Lowell, then, the "new" Lowell will move further and further away from that mindset: and establish a new mindset, and if it is implied that the "old" way of thinking is evangelical christian, then, when that mindset is rejected, e.c. will be rejected in the same bath water. There is that danger for any faith-based organization working in Lowell, that their "methods" are nothing more than a shill to do what their "mission" demands. To "love your neighbors" in Lowell will demand that you love ALL your neighbors, that you include them in your activities, events, meals, meetings, gatherings and decision-making. You will not agree with them, approve of their lifestyle, believe as they believe, but you ARE their neighbor, and you can't escape the call to love them. The audacity to try to evangelize your neighbors without loving them first, is well, audacious: but not in a good way. People can code it all they want, call if "neighborhood transformation," "community development," or some catchy mnemonic device with the same letter, but, if it's evangelism, and you mean it: then call it what it is. To do less is dishonest and dishonoring to the very message you present.